Resolutions..ever brought bliss on their first attempt.. ? Could a morning be darker than a Gotham night ?? Trees didn't answer.. They took an early shower.. For the coal-coated dance floor was wet.
The usual gang decided not to bark this time.. Saw me after a long time, maybe it was the scent.. Nothing was awake..Just the you-are-safe whistle far away.. I had heard this silence before.
While mankind slept.. Few under cozy blankets.. Street lights did their solar act.. High beam made many turn sides on the footpath... It got the fog into high-magnificence mode.. Some conspiracy theory.
Dense leaves shuffled.. Maybe they felt it too.. Inside..a group of monkeys I couldn't see.. something told me.. They were staring.
Newspaper boy went for extra mufflers.. His cycle thanked him.. it wasn’t a heavy Sunday.. Wet tarmac earned him an extended sleep... Few droplets hit hard on my face.. "Welcome back".
Still wondered, were they all asleep..? Was I the only one tasting this..? I Invited John o' Callaghan with 'Big Sky'.. Suddenly, the wind woke up to the trance.
It couldn’t have got worse for Pumba. On a day when the Sun came out 10 minutes before schedule time, when the delicious worms decided to stay under big cozy rocks to give Copenhagen a miss for an extended sleep session and Timon cleared his throat during his early morning chores, Pumba knew this wouldn’t be his day. And rightly so.
Scrolling through the mails he found almost everyone on Planet Dirt mailing him. Crazy subjects, sent repeatedly, humongous attachments and they were never ending. He decided to unclutter life. So, today’s mission: Delete all useless mails sent after last night and read all the important ones, and yeah, delete them after reading. Muscles flexed, eyebrows relaxed, a can of baked worms with salsa sauce, and Pumba was ready to march (read click).
‘Walk-Ins at Zek Tanindra, Baccenture, Outofsys’ – mostly, the mails had these subjects. So Pumba went on saying, “Delete, delete, trash, spam, delete, spam again”. Soon he realized, they were not disappearing from the Inbox. Gods of Realization hit on him and he actually started deleting them. He even deleted the one that Timon sent. The subject, “Let’s make a new State 1.0’. And then, the retina of his eyes came out, the balls came later. The most dreaded mail was lying there, staring right into the trembling Pumba. The mail from his programme coordinator, his name we can’t disclose due to ‘strategic’ security reasons. And the subject said ‘ABCD(EFG) - Tri-II & V: Important Notice - Lecture by Jungle Book Awardee’.
Pumba gulped down another can. Bravely, he opened it. And yes, what he feared, came true. It was lying right there in bold, underlined Trajan Pro 22 text.
Ram Babu wept. He had failed to produce ‘something substantial’ in the presentation (read pee pee tea) that he gave to the Sharma’s. They had never been so harsh with any of their servants, until this day. Credit goes to Akhilesh. He has changed things. Ever since he finished his 2 year full time diploma in management, there have been some serious changes in the house. Veervati has to wear formals (heels optional) while cleaning utensils and sewing some torn Mr Sharma-vests. She has adapted well to these changes. But Ram Babu hasn’t. They had just asked him to give a five minute presentation on various processes, tools & techniques involved in cleaning the house. He did it. Only if he could have memorized the mission of the Sharma house (1st slide), he would have not been shown the pink slip. But Veervati did. In fact, she spoke it more energetically than Mrs Sharma had once demonstrated. Now, she can come in casuals on Sunday’s.
Last heard from Santosh, a regular jobless at Guptaji tea stall, Ram Babu had decided to start ‘something of his own’ and was looking for funding. Guptaji on the other hand has recently benefitted a lot from Akhilesh’s IT implementation. Now the poor guy doesn’t have to keep that small little damp diary for accounting purposes. Every time his customer leaves saying ‘likh lena’, he just has to press a few buttons on his mobile phone to update the excel sheet. And yes, even he can’t figure out why the entry goes into the ‘credit’ side. Have to wind up soon. Need to copy group 8’s assignment from the server, rename it, and paste it in my group’s folder. And after morphing a pic on Photoshop for my Facebook account, have to find the best laptop deal for Veervati. Maybe, I don’t have time for the latter. Anyone? CR?
Last week, a research reported the sudden increase in the number of parents logging on to Facebook to keep a check on their child’s activities. Ever heard of the multiplier effect of addicts? But at times, it’s not as bad. Take for example, a certain spoiled brat Mukesh on Facebook. He got a weird message on his Wall from his brother Anil. The entire issue was about some gas their dad had bought for them. They fought for days, even months, writing hate messages on each other’s walls. FB authorities poked, but in vain. And then, Koks aunty, Anil-Mukesh’s mother, arrived on Facebook. Within minutes, both the brothers were sending her millions of virtual gifts. The gas case was soon solved when all three of them had an intense FB chat session. Next up, the ‘Budget’ app has been created by a fellow named Pranab. He has already received millions of friend requests from all over the country. Pet Society, last heard, was being flooded with ‘red’ and ‘saffron’ coloured stray animals.
No ‘I-told-you-so’ moments this time around at the park in the morning. Political pundits have been stunned. The winning party has stunned itself. By now Vajpayeeji must have slapped his forehead in disappointment. He did it last when Lal Krishna Advani declared that BJP would take the field with ‘Hindutva’ printed in Bold Times New Roman Font-Size 36 on their t-shirts. By now the Gujarat mass murderer must have wiped his forehead twice to check for anymore pitch black dirt. But that dirty history deserves a mention only after we taste the sweet present and sip on the delicacies in store for us in the future. We don’t need the according-to-my-laptop’s-excel-sheet-graphics political pundits to tell us about two major conclusions that can be drawn easily from this verdict. Firstly, honesty has been rewarded stupendously, hardline hindutva has been pushed out from the back door and that too with some force. Secondly, it has come at a time when the sapling called India is showing rapid growth on garden Earth. There is a sense of inclusive growth creeping in. A sapling needs exactly that to grow into a tree.
The electorate has spoken, and no article, no blog, no analysis can precisely explain this phenomenon called ‘Manmohan Singh’. When was the last time we saw an honest and dedicated man known being referred to as The King? The button pressed by billions of Indians shows that our electorate is not at all stupid. BJP did not lose the elections on 16th May. It lost it when they chose to go ahead with their Hindutva agenda and the casket was finally sealed when L.K. Advani decided to go head on against Manmohan Singh. 16th May was just an epic movie that remembered those who lost and honoured the honesty of The King and its Men.
Such clean sweeps used to be in vogue when our fathers used to participate in some serious lunch-time-prediction sessions at their respective offices. But now, the armchair analysts who sat inclined towards the Congress would now be standing up to salute the runner-up. And rightly so. L K Advani deserves the applause for whatever he has done for the nation. And I expect a thundering cheer in the coming days for the man who was missed the most by the BJP. Atalji, a great man – in stature and soul. It is very sad that BJP has reduced a fine nationalist to a mere excuse. BJP has been exemplary in its own way. One should learn that one tablespoon each of a chubby goonda, a mass murderer and a tentwallah are the perfect ingredients to make a shameful smelly dish. Vir Sanghvi explained it appropriately on NDTV. "Advani era is over, Rajnath will face the axe and the Young Jerks of BJP will hold Narendra Modi at the forefront."
The highlights package will flash on your scene for days. It will include the fine governance of Navin Patnaik and Nitish Kumar being rewarded. Also, a ping pong game called Delhi, that ended with the skunk or whitewash of 7-0. The King will go to bed thinking about more policies like the NREGA to come up in the next five years. For now, we can sip on some chilled delicacies of the future- Dream team of Omar Abdullah, Rahul Gandhi, Jyotiraditya Scindia, Schin Pilot, Naveen Jindal, Milind Deora and many more. The mood is good inside every house, even if it has some dying lotus in its garden. The occupants need not worry much. When the fragrance completely oozes out of the lotus and its patrons come out of the illusion it had caused, there will be no chaos. For the hand blesses all, it doesn’t distinguish who built a temple or who let a mosque fall.
Dharampal was about to be crucified by his father, not because he had thrown something at his father, because that something got severely damaged in the process as it missed the target by some 15 inches. It was a black one, belonging to the family of Barricades and the clan of Adidas. Size 11. They shelled out 312 Singapore dollars for it when they had visited Mustafa, the shopping arcade in Singapore, where Dharampal found a three year old beneath a heap of clothes. He was searching for his mother who was not seen or heard for two days, ever since she realized that the basement section was exclusively for crockery and jewellery. Back to the shoe, Dharampal was no mean journalist and his father was not addressing any press conference. Still I cannot comprehend how in-our-house acts like these manage to creep outside and reach remote places like Iraq. But all said and done, we have to accept it, throwing a shoe has never gone up the charts like it has now, and Facebook is looking at ways to get back its 1st position on the ‘People Fads’ list.
MBA analysts, who did a lot of research, wearing blazers, ties and pointed formal shoes to office, have confirmed reports of skyrocketing sales of Bata shoes. The army chief announced yesterday about their tie up with Lakhani Shoes for the supply of these newly discovered weapons. It seems people have finally recognized the brands they think are good for such a cause. “Yeh public hai saar, sabse ghatiya joote se maaregi (The people of India, they will hit their target with the most pathetic shoes.)”, explained Surinder Singh, a shopaholic. The other night Samie came home for coffee and asked me why was I making this such an issue and not making other issues like Angelina Jolie’s threat to Brad Pitt and Rihaana’s breakup as issues. I had two things to say, after which I had a shoe ready to be flung, just in case he could not comprehend the two points. Firstly, why the hell is everyone missing the target? Bush was spared by a wind blowing in the hall. Ok, had I been in Iraqi journalist’s shoes, I would have tried again with the right one. Then Wen Jiabao was meted with a similar treatment at Cambridge. Had I been Jiabao, I would have retorted back with a pair of red sneakers. The Israeli ambassador to Sweden was also hit by a shoe when he was addressing an audience in StockholmUniversity. My second point, and a more important one was that why can’t we get creative in this era. And who better to do it than a surd. Jarnail Singh would have gained more brownie points had he used his socks instead for Chidambaram. They are more smelly, torn at the edges and would certainly have made India stand out in the league of nations.
Last heard, the coffee chain Barista was organizing a shoe fest, where pairs would be formed, an attacker and a target. I doubt if they can really measure what they intend to, how stylish the shoes would be and how beautifully they are thrown. Flavours of this season as my shoe targets? A Gujarat mass murderer and a Delhi tentwallah. But I guess Ankur, the dhobbi boy, would put my shoes to much better use. Last heard from Mrs. Neeta Ghulati, a GK-I resident, at a fundraiser : “A man is judged by what kind of a SHOE he is thrown at.” Reuters have just confirmed, Facebook is thinking of replacing its first four letters with the craze of the town. In the streets, wannabes have evolved too.
This is a protest against all those kaam waalis(maids) and car-wash guys who think they can get away with four figure monthly salaries and still be absent on critical days when the homemakers are expecting a VVIP visit. A candle light march was organized to pay tribute to all the housewives traumatized due to this heinous and gruesome sudden absence of maids. Two women, with startling resemblance from one of my favorite Ekta Kapoor serials, Kandles Ki Kudiyaan, were at the forefront of the march to India Gate, which brought together all the housewives from different parts of Punjabi Bagh. “This is our 11/12, enough is enough, humien iski jawaabdehi chahiye.”
Just when I finished registering my solidarity for the cause, by clicking “Yes” on the wall of “Homemakers Hit Back”, a remarkable initiative on Facebook by one of the tech-savvy homemakers, a friend called late at night, apparently after lighting a candle in his room as the local electricity board was on a strike. Their new bettery-candles were not being sold at all in these marches to India Gate. Sources say their head electrician being kicked out in the final round of the qualification of Roadies 6.4 could be a clandestine reason behind their clamor. Coming back to the friend, he had a business plan. Scented candles, multi-colored candles, Facebook candles, Roadies candles. He was already on his way, compiling a ppt, showcasing the estimated figures and pie charts related to the business plan. I was taken in by the Roadies candles. The very next morning, I poked him, before fine tuning my french-beard. ”Will they really be able to perform those tasks which other candles did with an attitude? Will they be able to withstand the challenges posed by Naqvi’s lipstick powder women?” His reply was startling, “ Dude, **** *** ”.
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