Got Issues - Part 1

It couldn’t have got worse for Pumba. On a day when the Sun came out 10 minutes before schedule time, when the delicious worms decided to stay under big cozy rocks to give Copenhagen a miss for an extended sleep session and Timon cleared his throat during his early morning chores, Pumba knew this wouldn’t be his day. And rightly so.

Scrolling through the mails he found almost everyone on Planet Dirt mailing him. Crazy subjects, sent repeatedly, humongous attachments and they were never ending. He decided to unclutter life. So, today’s mission: Delete all useless mails sent after last night and read all the important ones, and yeah, delete them after reading. Muscles flexed, eyebrows relaxed, a can of baked worms with salsa sauce, and Pumba was ready to march (read click).

‘Walk-Ins at Zek Tanindra, Baccenture, Outofsys’ – mostly, the mails had these subjects. So Pumba went on saying, “Delete, delete, trash, spam, delete, spam again”. Soon he realized, they were not disappearing from the Inbox. Gods of Realization hit on him and he actually started deleting them. He even deleted the one that Timon sent. The subject, “Let’s make a new State 1.0’. And then, the retina of his eyes came out, the balls came later. The most dreaded mail was lying there, staring right into the trembling Pumba. The mail from his programme coordinator, his name we can’t disclose due to ‘strategic’ security reasons. And the subject said ‘ABCD(EFG) - Tri-II & V: Important Notice - Lecture by Jungle Book Awardee’.

Pumba gulped down another can. Bravely, he opened it. And yes, what he feared, came true. It was lying right there in bold, underlined Trajan Pro 22 text.

‘Attendance Compulsory’.

New Slide, Old Presentation

Ram Babu wept. He had failed to produce ‘something substantial’ in the presentation (read pee pee tea) that he gave to the Sharma’s. They had never been so harsh with any of their servants, until this day. Credit goes to Akhilesh. He has changed things. Ever since he finished his 2 year full time diploma in management, there have been some serious changes in the house. Veervati has to wear formals (heels optional) while cleaning utensils and sewing some torn Mr Sharma-vests. She has adapted well to these changes. But Ram Babu hasn’t. They had just asked him to give a five minute presentation on various processes, tools & techniques involved in cleaning the house. He did it. Only if he could have memorized the mission of the Sharma house (1st slide), he would have not been shown the pink slip. But Veervati did. In fact, she spoke it more energetically than Mrs Sharma had once demonstrated. Now, she can come in casuals on Sunday’s.

Last heard from Santosh, a regular jobless at Guptaji tea stall, Ram Babu had decided to start ‘something of his own’ and was looking for funding. Guptaji on the other hand has recently benefitted a lot from Akhilesh’s IT implementation. Now the poor guy doesn’t have to keep that small little damp diary for accounting purposes. Every time his customer leaves saying ‘likh lena’, he just has to press a few buttons on his mobile phone to update the excel sheet. And yes, even he can’t figure out why the entry goes into the ‘credit’ side. Have to wind up soon. Need to copy group 8’s assignment from the server, rename it, and paste it in my group’s folder. And after morphing a pic on Photoshop for my Facebook account, have to find the best laptop deal for Veervati. Maybe, I don’t have time for the latter. Anyone? CR?