Shoe Away !!

Dharampal was about to be crucified by his father, not because he had thrown something at his father, because that something got severely damaged in the process as it missed the target by some 15 inches. It was a black one, belonging to the family of Barricades and the clan of Adidas. Size 11. They shelled out 312 Singapore dollars for it when they had visited Mustafa, the shopping arcade in Singapore, where Dharampal found a three year old beneath a heap of clothes. He was searching for his mother who was not seen or heard for two days, ever since she realized that the basement section was exclusively for crockery and jewellery. Back to the shoe, Dharampal was no mean journalist and his father was not addressing any press conference. Still I cannot comprehend how in-our-house acts like these manage to creep outside and reach remote places like Iraq. But all said and done, we have to accept it, throwing a shoe has never gone up the charts like it has now, and Facebook is looking at ways to get back its 1^st position on the ‘People Fads’ list.

MBA analysts, who did a lot of research, wearing blazers, ties and pointed formal shoes to office, have confirmed reports of skyrocketing sales of Bata shoes. The army chief announced yesterday about their tie up with Lakhani Shoes for the supply of these newly discovered weapons. It seems people have finally recognized the brands they think are good for such a cause. “Yeh public hai saar, sabse ghatiya joote se maaregi (The people of India, they will hit their target with the most pathetic shoes.)”, explained Surinder Singh, a shopaholic. The other night Samie came home for coffee and asked me why was I making this such an issue and not making other issues like Angelina Jolie’s threat to Brad Pitt and Rihaana’s breakup as issues. I had two things to say, after which I had a shoe ready to be flung, just in case he could not comprehend the two points. Firstly, why the hell is everyone missing the target? Bush was spared by a wind blowing in the hall. Ok, had I been in Iraqi journalist’s shoes, I would have tried again with the right one. Then Wen Jiabao was meted with a similar treatment at Cambridge. Had I been Jiabao, I would have retorted back with a pair of red sneakers. The Israeli ambassador to Sweden was also hit by a shoe when he was addressing an audience in Stockholm University. My second point, and a more important one was that why can’t we get creative in this era. And who better to do it than a surd. Jarnail Singh would have gained more brownie points had he used his socks instead for Chidambaram. They are more smelly, torn at the edges and would certainly have made India stand out in the league of nations.

Last heard, the coffee chain Barista was organizing a shoe fest, where pairs would be formed, an attacker and a target. I doubt if they can really measure what they intend to, how stylish the shoes would be and how beautifully they are thrown. Flavours of this season as my shoe targets? A Gujarat mass murderer and a Delhi tentwallah. But I guess Ankur, the dhobbi boy, would put my shoes to much better use. Last heard from Mrs. Neeta Ghulati, a GK-I resident, at a fundraiser : “A man is judged by what kind of a SHOE he is thrown at.” Reuters have just confirmed, Facebook is thinking of replacing its first four letters with the craze of the town. In the streets, wannabes have evolved too.

“Hey Man, Got Shoe?”